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Is webcam sex with a stranger considered cheating

webcam sex means online infidelity?

Today I’ll put in writing something that many people have tried answering before and on which opinions still vary wildly. To be fair I’m not even sure where I stand on it exactly either, maybe by sharing my two cents like this, I’ll help you as well as myself in deciding something…who knows?

So, is video chatting with a stranger cheating? First of all that depends on the boundaries of your relationship. There are people out there with open relationships that get along just fine. They know they need something they can’t find in each other and are ok with looking for it somewhere. It’s definitely not something for everybody but it seems to work for some people. I think the point is moot in such a relationship so we won’t be touching that. How about if you’re in a monogamous relationship?

Here it gets a bit tricky.

There are those who say it’s just like watching porn and there is nothing wrong, and there are those who think it worse than physical cheating. As with all things, there is a bit to be said from both sides, it’s not just black and white. An online webcam sex session is after all between two people at least, so I don’t think we can claim it’s just like porn.

There is an emotional component to it, where one looks for something missing in their life in the performer they chose. More often than not there are resources you invest in the online relationship that take away from your “real” one. Attention, time, money…those are things that you invest in your online relationship at the expense of the one you have at home. So it isn’t just a one-way road, you don’t just take your satisfaction and walk away. You participate.

It comes down to the reason behind it.

Video chat has helped people get over frustrations, fantasies or spur of the moment questionable decisions. Maybe you’re going through a hard time as a couple and you take refuge in a couple of hours online when your partner is at work. Maybe you just really wanted to discuss your kink with someone who won’t judge you or feel beholden to try and fulfill it for you. So you had some things to work out and wanted to work them out without insulting the person at your side.

Thing is…secrecy, hiding, sneaking around will be the death of a relationship eventually.

Whether it culminates being caught in a lie and the blow out that will follow or you just grow distant and colder until you realize you stopped caring. And while some people are able to say (and do it) “it will be just a couple of times, no harm done”, it generally doesn’t work like that. It will be a balancing act without a safety net. One mistake in either direction and before you know it you’ll be too far gone, too committed, to go back on your actions. One lie too far, one meeting too many.

Ideally, the person you chose to start a serious relationship will understand when something is wrong and at least be interested in it.

Try to fix things and see what is bothering you. In that case, you could approach this subject. Ask their opinion on this and talk it out together. Who the hell knows, maybe you’ll end up enjoying a fetish together and you’ll spend many steamy nights in front of the computer video chatting together with the performer of your choice. Hell, maybe just try it once for the fun of it and see what happens. Couples that have been together longer tend to look for things to spice their sex lives up…why not let this be one of them.

But since things don’t always go the way you want…the person near you might straight up say it’s cheating.

Would you do it knowing it’s something that would deliberately hurt them? Or would you try and find a solution? Now we might just be tempted to rationalize it, saying that if it’s helping you as a couple and the other person doesn’t know…where is the harm in that? While that may be true for minor issues (think something like…always picking up the socks after the other person and them “mysteriously” never understands why so many people complain that they always misplace unpaired socks), it’s not as true when it comes to your sex life. People are weird about sex, there is no “optimal” relationship, and you adjust to the person near you and him or her to you. It’s something that you need to do together.

I’m personally inclined to be cautious when it comes to matters of the heart and say that unless it’s something you have discussed and agreed upon with your partner…it does count as cheating. A video chat session with another person can be intense, loving, emotional and hot. So take from that what you will. Talk to your partner, you never know what you may have in common and the fun you can experience together. Or, worst case scenario, you get to learn something about yourself…what you need or what you want from your life. Being a happy, well-adjusted person is important. Your sex life is a big part of that. Don’t hang on to something that doesn’t make you happy just because it’s comfortable. Explore yourself and who you are and find just the right person (or people if you have the stamina for it!) for you

 

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